I wrote this in January 2011 when we found out my husband's cancer had spread throughout his body
In memory of my husband, Melvin Emerson 03/29/1951 - 02/20/2011, who valiantly fought cancer for 14-1/2 months
For all the others who have fought the fight and lost
And for the ones who have have fought and are winning
Cancer is a 4-letter word
How in the world do they expect you to cope
When they tell you the one you love most is so sick
How can you even process or think when all that's left is faith and hope
I waited 37 years of my life for this gentle man to be sent to me
They tell me I am strong and I can handle this beast called cancer
How do they know this when in my heart and in my head I cannot stand to be
A widow, a husband-less wife, a single mother, with no one to share my dreams
They say love lasts forever, but I want to know what happens when forever ends
My heart is so heavy, so filled with fears, and anger filled thoughts
I can only hope and pray that to me an angel God will send
Someone to help me on this path and to find the wisdom I have sought;
How can I grasp such a disaster, our own September 11 attack
Only it happened on a cold day in January, 2011
Our daughter, our baby son, how do we tell them and give them what they need
When all we can feel is our own grief.
I want to scream out loud to God, why, why, why, but would that stop the beast?
The medicine makes him sick, I have watched him grow old in front of my face
Just a matter of a few months and the man I used to know has begun to cease.
You see cancer changes us all, just the passing of the word through your lips
You say it over and over to try to get used to it, but it is a concept that cannot be embraced.
He tells me he wants me to find love again, doesn't want me to finish my life alone
There is not a fiber in me that can even grasp the thought or imagination of this
You see he was my first of firsts when it came to the love I craved and thought would never be mine
He made me the mother that I know God created me to be
How can I possibly even think these things, when all I need is for him to be well and by my side.
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