Since becoming a "practicing born-again Christian" the season of lent leading up to Easter is one of my favorite times of the year. I like to look back and see what Jesus himself was doing during his final days on earth. I have not always been a "born-again" Christian. My mother comes from a Mormon background and my dad comes from a Catholic background. What a mix huh? My mom and dad raised us kids in the Catholic faith. I remember being very afraid of God as a child and trying to remember which sins were worse than other sins so I would know exactly what to say in confession. I also remember feeling like a bride on my First Holy Communion with my beautiful white dress, white patent leather shoes and white socks with lace and the white veil my mom made me. I still have that dress and veil and my white rosary and white prayer book. You see they are treasures from my past.
Once I graduated from high school I rarely, if ever, went to church. Usually only went if someone invited me or my granny wanted someone to take her. I was living the single life in Pueblo, CO, indulging in many vices of the flesh and mind, which I now know was offensive to God. I knew it then, but because of the doctrines I remembered from my childhood, I felt that God would never forgive me of all the sins I had committed. I certainly did not feel worthy of God's forgiveness. I figured since there was no hope for me I would just continue living the way I had been, in sin so deep that it almost cost me my life.
I experienced a life-changing event in my mid-20s when my cousin Lori took me to a Lowell Lundstrem crusade and the college in Pueblo. I remember very clearly wanting what those people had to offer. They told me it DID NOT MATTER TO GOD WHAT I HAD DONE, THAT HE HAD DIED EVEN FOR ME. I went forward at the altar call and accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. I became a "born-again" Christian. This didn't mean, however, that my life changed that night. I continued in my sinful ways, created more chaos in my life and in my family with every decision I made. I had people all over the place picking up the pieces for me so I could continue down the path I had chosen.
When it was dark, and I was very alone and lonely, I remember rationalizing with God that so what if I didn't live the life I had claimed as mine when I accepted Him into my life. I used to tell myself that I would just wait to fully embrace the saving grace of Jesus Christ until my deathbed when He would ask me what I chose and I would say "I choose you Lord". I look back now, and I think what a pathetic, damaged, heart-broken person I was to use that kind of logic. I would picture myself lying in the wreckage of a wrecked car knowing my end was near and calling out to Jesus.
You know I had it partly right. The moment I asked Jesus Christ into my heart, I became His child, NO MATTER WHAT I HAD DONE OR CONTINUED TO DO. I had asked him to forgive me of my sins, and in my head I knew that he had. I just took the "easy way our" or continued to do what was so familiar to me. When I think if the years I lost truly being a Child of God I am ashamed, but I know God forgives me even for that.
When I was in my late 20s I started attending church regularly. At first I went to the Catholic church because it was familiar and "safe" to me. It was what I had always known. Then my cousin Debra and her husband Ron moved to Pueblo from Iowa to be pastors. Ron became assistant pastor at Broadway Christian Church in Pueblo, CO, and they invited me to join them there. I was in LOVE. I loved the music. I loved hear the sermons recited RIGHT OUT OF THE BIBLE and scripture reference made so I could "check it and make sure the pastor was right". It wasn't until my 30th birthday that I really started taking my Christianity seriously.
I quit dating for the sake of dating. I told God I wanted to be married and have a family. I so desperately wanted to be a mom. I still sinned and do to this day. I don't always say things the right way, but I am passionate about Jesus and my faith. It took me 25 years to totally feel forgiven for some of the sins I had committed as a young adult. I knew in my head that I was forgiven, but it took a lot longer to make the "heart connection". I quit going to clubs to dance and drink and scan the place for eligible partners. I wasn't very good at that anyway!!
When I was 35 I decided that God was probably not going to round me up a husband, so I took on a 3rd job. I had decided to save money to adopt a baby girl from China. I didn't even pray about it. I just decided I was going to do it. See I still to this day have trouble seeking God's will before I try to tell Him what my will is and try to command Him to do my will. A year later Mel was brought into my life. He was 10 years older than me, and I really liked that. He was mature and didn't play games with my mind. I told him where I stood with Jesus when we first met. He told me that he had prayed for God to send him a "lady friend" to just have as a friend and a companion for movies or going out to eat. That was fine with me. I didn't mind being a lady friend, especially since he treated me like a lady. The first man in my life for a very long time who did. When I met Mel he was a beer drinker of very, shall we say, large proportion. I told him that I would never live with another alcoholic in my lifetime, that once was enough. He made a promise to me to quit drinking, and he did. We went to church together. We did laundry together at my house on Sunday's after church. We rode on his motorcycle. We went to movies. Somewhere along the line I found myself madly in love with him.
When we got married, we kind of got into the habit of "not going" to church. I got pregnant with Nicole only eight months after we married, and I was so sick for four months that the only place I went in the mornings was to work. When we had Nicole, though, our Pastor from Broadway, who married us, came to visit us in the hospital, and I have to say he appropriately oohed and aahed over our beautiful baby. Then some ladies whom I had been friends with at church came to visit. Mel and I decided that we needed to be in church, and that we had to absolutely commit to Jesus and His teachings and raise up our daughter that way. We wanted her to know that she was absolutely adored by God and that He would only want good things for her. We knew we wanted to raise her in the church and to learn about God through His word and teachings.
A lot of people tell me that I changed Mel. I never asked him to change for me. I was more than thrilled that he quit drinking, I didn't care whether or not he cut his hair or rode a motorcycle. I was smart enough to know that God had brought us into each other's lives at a time when both of us were ready for Him to work in us, for us to give the up the desires of the flesh and to follow Him and be committed to Him.
I know and love a lot of people who go to different churches. Most of them are my family. I am not here to judge what church they go to, but I know these things for certain:
1. You have to humble yourself at the cross and ASK Jesus Christ to come dwell within you through the Holy Spirit.
2. You have to believe that the ONLY REASON Jesus Christ walked this earth as a man was with the full intention of his blood being shed so that we might be washed as clean as snow.
3. You have to know that the ONLY way to heaven is through the shedding of His blood and desiring Him to dwell in you is the ONLY way to get to heaven.
4. You Hvae to know that JESUS CHRIST arose on the 3rd day and is seated at the RIGHT HAND OF THE FATHER TO INTERCEDE FOR US. Do you know that means that Jesus is sitting right next to GOD praying for us and going to God on our behalf. Isn't that a freeing thought. I know it certainly gives me comfort to know that Jesus himself is interceding with God for me, little old me!!!
A lot of people, including me at one time, think wow you have to give up so much to be a Christian. You really don't, because if you truly choose Jesus and desire him to work in your life, you will want to stop doing things of a sinful nature, you will want to be more like Him, you will want to seek His will for your life, and you will desire all the love that the Master has for you!!! This is not an overnight process, it is a lifelong, life-changing process. We are all works of art in the making.
My desire is to know without a doubt that all the people I love and adore on this earth are going to live in heaven with me for eternity. I also know that there is not one person God has created that He (no matter the sin) will not forgive. He certainly did not create any one of us to spend eternity in Hell with the likes of Satan. He created each and every one of so to spend eternity in Heaven with Him. After all we are all created in His image, and our true vocation in life should be Pleasing and Serving only one Master. If you have things in your life keeping you from fulfilling the very best that God has planned for you, ask for conviction from God and the foundation to stand firm upon to get past those "things". I know I still get caught up in "things" that are more important to me than they should be.
I am so glad that Mel and I made the choices we made about have a Godly marriage, raising a Godly family and trying to live a Godly life. Because of this I am assured of spending eternity with the man I love so dearly and only had here on earth for 14 years. I am Blessed, but I am also still imperfect and I know I offend people, hurt people I don't have any intention of hurting, but at least now I can apologize and I can humble myself before the Lord and ask his forgiveness.
The greatest Gift of All is truly the forgiveness of God. He is a God in the business of forgiveness, no matter the sin and He is still in the business of changing lives and doing miracles.
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