Stinging Words

gos·sip    (gsp) KEY

NOUN:

1. Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature.
2. A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts.
3. Trivial, chatty talk or writing.
4. A close friend or companion.
5. Chiefly British A godparent.

intr.v.
gos·siped, gos·sip·ing, gos·sips

To engage in or spread gossip.

Gossip, we all seem to love it at least sometimes.  I know I have been both the gossiper and the gossipee.  It takes conscious thought before you open your mouth about a subject that might be considered gossip, like telling a secret you promised you wouldn't talk about, stretch the truth about things to seem important or for dramatic effect, repeat things you've heard that have no bearing on your life or your listerners' lives and has not been verified.

Gossip hurts.  Even when it is the truth, it hurts to know people we trust and love talk about us behind our backs.  I do it too, so I personally take blame for my participation in forms of gossip.  If I have ever hurt you by something I said behind your back, feel free to call me on it.  The thing about gossip is that I may have said or done whatever the gossip is about, or somebody may have heard about it from so and so that I said it or did it, so I think I should at least get the chance to be honest with you and admit it if I said and to declare it an untruth if I didn't say it.

Women are great gossipers, but I know a few guys who are really good at it too.  Men are just generally more close-mouthed than we girls are.  Gossip can ruin a career, a relationship, a life.  Even Jesus cautions us about gossiping.  When I moved to Odessa last year, I joined a ladies bible study.  These women are very close to me, and we have an understanding that our private conversations and prayer needs or just trials we each go through are to remain confidential.  I have shared a lot with these women I trust that I don't want anyone else to hear.  I say it to them because they are my "safe people".  They can look at things objectively for me and maybe point out to me a different take on what I am upset about or worried about.  We also did a bible study on how to be a better wife.  That was hard for me since I had just lost Mel.  It talked a lot about gossiping and how as wives we need to protect our husband's from idle talk and our families as well, and we do this from protecting ourselves from gossip.

Gossip covers a wide variety of topics from child rearing, child discipline, personal habits, housekeeping, spending habits, affairs of the heart, speculation about affairs of the heart, and feeling like you have the right to judge people for the way they do any of the above.

When Mel was sick, many times we had news from doctors that we intentionally did not share with everyone.  We didn't think our kids needed to know all the details of his illness.  During this time there were people who thought Mel should do more physically, do more with the kids, do more to help me, but what they didn't know was that he was in excruciating pain and wasn't able to do those things.  At the time we told only the people taking care of us how much pain he was in, and it was very painful when I would hear some of the things people said about him just being lazy, or just using "cancer" as an excuse not to do the things he should have been doing, in their minds at least.

There have also been times when I have made assumptions about people, their decisions, their way of life, their discipline or lack thereof, and I know that I have to be very careful what I say and do.  I think we would all do a better job of caring for each other if we would just take the time to talk to the people we are "talking about".  If you are going to talk about someone, they should at least have the chance to defend themselves or correct the information or confirm it if they choose.  Maybe they don't want to talk about it, and that is their choice.  If you see someone struggling, hurting, being dragged down by circumstances, why not offer a kind gesture, a word of hope or encouragement, or hand up or a hand out, help them do the things they don't seem to be able to do for whatever reason.  Just be a "good Samaritan" and jump in and help, and then don't go around telling everyone what you did for that person.  People who care about each other should just help each other without having the need to report all the grisly details to anyone who will listen.

I am so thankful to the Lord that I have "my ladies" who have my back and will (and have) done whatever I needed them to do in the darkest time of my life and during the darkest corners "in my mind".  I didn't even have to ask, they just helped me, and guess what? They did it with a servant's heart and didn't tell anyone about it.  I love you "my lovely ladies".  I only hope I have the chance to reciprocate or help someone else in need, that is hurting, that is paralyzed in fear, emotions, grief or whatever they are going through and help them.  I don't want to be the person on the other end of the conversation telling the details of what someone needed to do for me, that I could NOT do for myself, and seem to take pleasure in the telling of it.  I want to serve with a servant's heart and love with a Jesus heart.

I know I have a long way to go.  I am a work in progress. As the saying goes "Be patient with me God isn't finished with me yet".  We are all works in progress.  Let's be kind to each other, love each other, help each other, and do it without the guilty pleasure of talking smack.

Let's be friends and love one another

friend

   /frɛnd/ Show Spelled[frend] Show IPA

noun

1.

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.

a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3.

a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

4.

a member of the same nation, party, etc.