Today Mel is not talking. He seems more lethargic, had a hard time getting him to open his eyes. A man Mel used to work with called and came by. He was very shocked to see Mel.
Daniel is very upset. He wonders why Mel won't talk to him. He rides around the living room on his scooter. He wears me out just watching him. I had mom come and get the kids because the hospice counselor was coming to talk to me, and I didn't want them there for that.
I will also never forget the insensitivity of that woman. I know 100% that it was me, that I was so insistent that Mel was going to be healed, that I would not hear of anything else. I wanted everyone who came in our front door to be of a positive mind that God could still heal Mel. She was about the only who wasn't. She kept asking me what my plans were. How she expected that I could answer that on that day is beyond me. She noticed the for sale sign in our front yard. She asked me what our plans were if the house sold. I told her we were moving to Odessa, WA. She looked at me like I was a total idiot. She said do you really think Mel is going to be able to do that, and I told her that I was aware of the fact that Mel certainly could not travel in his current state, but when he was well he would be able to go with us. She wanted to come back to see me. I informed her if I needed to talk to her I would call her.
Prior to Mel getting this sick my parents and Mel and I had been looking at houses in Pueblo that would be affordable for us. We had not been able to pay on our mortgage for a few months. The weaker Mel got, and the more time we had to spend in Denver, the less I was able to work. Prior to that I had done everything in my power to keep our mortgage paid on time. We were so proud that through all our hardships of the previous four years with Mel having been laid off and working whatever he could after that and with him taking care of the kids more when he was home so that I could work more that we had been able to keep our house. It was really difficult for us to decide we simply could not continue to pay our mortgage. My sister approached my dad about us moving to Odessa. I told my dad I would talk to Mel but we would not move unless mom and dad did, too. So it was decided that is what we would all do. With hindsight being 20/20, I know I never should have made that big of a decision when I did.
Aaron came by again in the evening to sit with Mel until Deanna came. It gave me a chance to try to get some things done, and the kids and I really enjoyed having him there. Deanna and I visited a while before I went to bed. By now we had our routine down. I would go to bed for a few hours, and she would get me up when Mel woke up or every few hours and if Mel wasn't awake she and I would talk.
[Deanna's Memories: I can't remember what night it was, possibly the 15th or 16th, but he woke up and was trying to ask me something. It was like he couldn't find the words. I tried giving him water but that wasn't what he needed. After that he fell in a deep sleep, and he wasn't able to talk anymore to anyone after that, at least to my knowledge. I remember you said you thought he might have had a stroke.
I remember pushing that pain pump to make sure he didn't hurt.
I remember Aaron stopping by and trying the best he could.
I remember Fat Joe climbing all over Mel, just wanting to be close to him, or perhaps wanting to be far away from your cat-hating BFF.
I remember Daniel putting about a thousand miles on the scooter through the living room, lol]
The Fat Joe she is referring to is our fat cat Joey. once Mel came home he took up residence at the foot of Mel's bed. Other than eating and going potty, that is where he stayed. If I didn't let him upstairs, he would stand at the gate at the top of the stairs and cry the most mournful cry he could until I let him come up. He would hop up and sleep at the bottom of Mel's bed until he other got hungry or had the call of nature. Deanna does not like any kind of pets. In fact at one time they had two dogs. she knew their names, but couldn't tell you which one went with which name. Then she went through a phase of wanting a baby so bad they adopted a toy poodle. Holly was quickly forgotten as Deanna's house filled up with babies. Holly now has a new home, where hopefully they remember her name. (Sorry Dee but it's the truth, and I'm really not sorry because you would say the same thing)
"When we consider the blessings of God—the gifts that add beauty and joy to our lives, that enable us to keep going through stretches of boredom and even suffering—friendship is very near the top."
—Donald W. McCullough, Mastering Personal Growth
True and Lasting Friendship Can Occur Suddenly
1 Samuel 18:1–3
After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond between them, for Jonathan loved David. From that day on Saul kept David with him and wouldn't let him return home. And Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, because he loved him as he loved himself.
I was certainly blessed with friends who kept near me through the worst kind of suffering.
Pastor Hal stopped by to pray for Mel. Pastor Hal and his wife Sharon are two of the most awesome, beautiful people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Mel and I were married by Hal, our children were dedicated to the Lord by Hal, Mel surprised me on our 10th anniversary by getting me to the church so that we could renew our vows. It was so cool. It was just Mel and I and Nicole, Pastor Hal and Sharon. Hal made it extra special by including Nicole. Hal also laid Mel's parents to rest when their time had come. Mel and I both deeply respect Pastor Hal. I know that he had a significant impact on Mel's walk with the Lord. Mel loved to go to Thursday morning bible study that Pastor Hal led. When he worked nights, he always wanted me to make sure he was up in time to get ready to go to bible study. That was his "big" day out for the week. Mel was such a gabber and there was a lady who attended, Marge Reynolds, and every week she baked treats for the bible study. Every week (after several hours of being gone) Mel would return with tales of who had been there, what they had studied and just talked about, and most importantly what treat Marge had brought. I used to think there was no way a bible study could last that long. For women they usually don't because we usually have kids' schedules to contend with and being their for our husbands. However, since moving to Odessa, I have been blessed to be part of a ladies bible study, and we usually meet for about 3 hours, and I love every minute of it. They all have blessed me so much.
Proverbs 18:10
The name of the Lord is a strong fortress; the godly run to him and are safe. (NLT)
Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. (KJV)
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (NIV)
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
February 14, 1997 / February 14, 2011 My First and Last Valentine
When I was single I HATED Valentine's Day. Everyone I worked with or was friends with always got candy, flowers, jewelry, etc., from their significant other. February 14, 1997 was the first time in my 36 years that I had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day. I have to say Mel outdid himself. Flowers were delivered, of course at work so everyone could ooh and aah over them, chocolates after work and finally dinner at a restaurant. I was so over the moon in love with this man who treated me so good. I told Nicole this week that her daddy had been my first Valentine. She said "mom I think that's kinda sad". When I asked her why she said "what if I have to wait that long to have a Valentine". I told her I was so thrilled that my first true love was my first Valentine, and sometimes you have to wait to get the best gifts God has to give you. He was like a little boy up to mischief all that day, in short he was pretty pleased with himself and my reaction to it all. Mel was very romantic (except for my first Mother's Day, but that story will have to wait).
November 14, 2011, was very different. Just after midnight February 14, 2011, Mel woke up and asked Deanna to take him shopping to get me something for Valentine's Day. About 1:00 a.m. I came down to the living room. I can still remember Mel's face, his bright blue eyes and him telling me Happy Valentine's Day, I love you so much. We visited for a while. I told him he was my Valentine forever. After a while I went back to bed. Little did I know that would be the last thing Mel ever said to me that I could understand. After that he would try to talk a little bit but I couldn't understand him.
That morning my mom came over and took the kids shopping for me for Valentine's Day. She took Nicole to Sonic to get Mel a cherry coke, which was his favorite, and he drank the whole thing.
I was so confused that day when he would try to talk and I couldn't understand him. I thought the one side of his mouth was a little droopy and wondered if he might have had a stroke, but he was still able to drink liquids, and when I would rouse him he would come fully awake and look at me. I was scared.
Aaron came by and brought the kids stuff for Valentine's Day. He made them feel special. Mel had always made a big deal about Valentine's Day. Nothing big, just a little box of candy or a card for all of us.
Today (February 14, 2012) Deanna and I were talking and she was remembering Mel asking her to take her shopping for me. She wondered what I would have thought if I had come downstairs and Mel, his bed and Deanna were gone. She thought she could have gotten his bed in Butch's truck and taken off up the street to Walgreen's. She laughed and said I would probably have thought the rapture and come and I would be pretty upset about not being ruptured too. I told her I would have been mad, but my one saving grace was that Nicole would have still been in the living room asleep on the cough, and I knew of anyone would have been raptured it would have been Nicole. I told her she could have just pushed his bed since it was on wheels and at least coming back home she could have jumped on and ridden down that hill with him. Talk about a bed race. I think Mel must have laughed in heaven today hearing us talk about this.
I am so thankful to God that Mel was my first, last and only Valentine. He gave me the best He had to give, and I will be eternally grateful for the love we shared.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
This scripture was read at our wedding, and the greatest gift of all really is LOVE.
[Deanna's Memories: I remember him asking me just after midnight on Valentines Day to take him to the store to get you a gift. What a thoughtful man. Not that it's all about me...seriously! But I remember Mel telling Colie that he was so thankful that you had me and that I was the best friend he could ever want for you. (That sounds so narcissistic to say, I really don't mean it to be.)
I remember Mel was always in a good mood. He was thrilled by the simplest things. He could see a bright moon out the window one night and had Colie move the curtains so he could see it better. He found joy in each moment, none more so than when he looked at you, or held your hand]
November 14, 2011, was very different. Just after midnight February 14, 2011, Mel woke up and asked Deanna to take him shopping to get me something for Valentine's Day. About 1:00 a.m. I came down to the living room. I can still remember Mel's face, his bright blue eyes and him telling me Happy Valentine's Day, I love you so much. We visited for a while. I told him he was my Valentine forever. After a while I went back to bed. Little did I know that would be the last thing Mel ever said to me that I could understand. After that he would try to talk a little bit but I couldn't understand him.
That morning my mom came over and took the kids shopping for me for Valentine's Day. She took Nicole to Sonic to get Mel a cherry coke, which was his favorite, and he drank the whole thing.
I was so confused that day when he would try to talk and I couldn't understand him. I thought the one side of his mouth was a little droopy and wondered if he might have had a stroke, but he was still able to drink liquids, and when I would rouse him he would come fully awake and look at me. I was scared.
Aaron came by and brought the kids stuff for Valentine's Day. He made them feel special. Mel had always made a big deal about Valentine's Day. Nothing big, just a little box of candy or a card for all of us.
Today (February 14, 2012) Deanna and I were talking and she was remembering Mel asking her to take her shopping for me. She wondered what I would have thought if I had come downstairs and Mel, his bed and Deanna were gone. She thought she could have gotten his bed in Butch's truck and taken off up the street to Walgreen's. She laughed and said I would probably have thought the rapture and come and I would be pretty upset about not being ruptured too. I told her I would have been mad, but my one saving grace was that Nicole would have still been in the living room asleep on the cough, and I knew of anyone would have been raptured it would have been Nicole. I told her she could have just pushed his bed since it was on wheels and at least coming back home she could have jumped on and ridden down that hill with him. Talk about a bed race. I think Mel must have laughed in heaven today hearing us talk about this.
I am so thankful to God that Mel was my first, last and only Valentine. He gave me the best He had to give, and I will be eternally grateful for the love we shared.
1 Corinthians 13
1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
This scripture was read at our wedding, and the greatest gift of all really is LOVE.
[Deanna's Memories: I remember him asking me just after midnight on Valentines Day to take him to the store to get you a gift. What a thoughtful man. Not that it's all about me...seriously! But I remember Mel telling Colie that he was so thankful that you had me and that I was the best friend he could ever want for you. (That sounds so narcissistic to say, I really don't mean it to be.)
I remember Mel was always in a good mood. He was thrilled by the simplest things. He could see a bright moon out the window one night and had Colie move the curtains so he could see it better. He found joy in each moment, none more so than when he looked at you, or held your hand]
Sunday Feb 13, 2011
Today was a good day. Mel spent quite a bit of time sleeping, but he would wake up and talk to people when they came over. Andy and Corinne came to say goodbye, they were going back home to Rifle. The Aragon's came over after they got out of church. We always had so much fun with them. Mr. Aragon, Diego, and Mel had come be pretty good friends over the years of our kids being friends. Diego was so sweet. Just about everytime he came into town, he would stop to visit with Mel. I know Mel considered him a true friend. Our kids were pretty much going through a lot of the same things with their dads. Diego has been very ill off and on over the years with numerous health problems. I think they both connected on that level too. I know that at times they both felt like they were a burden to their families, even though Kelly and her kids and I and our kids never feel that way.
Mel's son Aaron and his family came by in the afternoon too. While they were there Mel's pain pump ran out of pain medicine. I was very upset because hospice had assured me that would not happen and the nurse would be there before it happened. It turned out to be a fiasco because of course the nurse who had come out yesterday was off today, and the new nurse had a hard time figuring out how to get the medicine. Poor Mel was in agony. He had me call them over and over. Everytime I talked to her she said I am on my way. I don't know if she came from Denver or what, but it took that long for her to get there. I was afraid to give Mel pain pills for fear that when the pump got started it would be too much medicine, but I finally had to give him a couple pain pills. I couldn't stand to see him in pain.
Mel was always so glad to see Aaron. They had a very special relationship, and Mel loved to see his girls. Aaron works nights as a dispatcher for the Pueblo Police Department. He would come sit with us in the evenings before he went to work and would usually leave when it was time for Deanna to come. It was nice not to be alone all the time.
All in all it had been a pretty good day. I had been nervous about whether or not I could do everything for Mel that was required to take care of him, but I pulled it off. I was able to help him go to the bathroom and keep him neat and tidy. He always told me thanks and that he loved me. He made it easy for me to love and care for him.
Ephesians 3:20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we could dare ask or think.
Isaiah 55: 11 The Word of God will not return void.
We were blessed with many friends and family who stepped up and blessed us abundantly and took such good care of us as we walked this path. My parents were a great source of respite for me when the kids needed to get out, or if I needed to just get in the car and drive for 10-15 minutes just to get out of the house. There were times I would drive and sit in an empty parking lot and just cry my heart out. I didn't want to cry as much in front of Mel and the kids as I had to cry, and sometimes it was just good to be alone for a few minutes.
At the end of the day we had been blessed and loved abundantly by everyone who came to visit, lend a helping hand or a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.
Mel's son Aaron and his family came by in the afternoon too. While they were there Mel's pain pump ran out of pain medicine. I was very upset because hospice had assured me that would not happen and the nurse would be there before it happened. It turned out to be a fiasco because of course the nurse who had come out yesterday was off today, and the new nurse had a hard time figuring out how to get the medicine. Poor Mel was in agony. He had me call them over and over. Everytime I talked to her she said I am on my way. I don't know if she came from Denver or what, but it took that long for her to get there. I was afraid to give Mel pain pills for fear that when the pump got started it would be too much medicine, but I finally had to give him a couple pain pills. I couldn't stand to see him in pain.
Mel was always so glad to see Aaron. They had a very special relationship, and Mel loved to see his girls. Aaron works nights as a dispatcher for the Pueblo Police Department. He would come sit with us in the evenings before he went to work and would usually leave when it was time for Deanna to come. It was nice not to be alone all the time.
All in all it had been a pretty good day. I had been nervous about whether or not I could do everything for Mel that was required to take care of him, but I pulled it off. I was able to help him go to the bathroom and keep him neat and tidy. He always told me thanks and that he loved me. He made it easy for me to love and care for him.
Ephesians 3:20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we could dare ask or think.
Isaiah 55: 11 The Word of God will not return void.
We were blessed with many friends and family who stepped up and blessed us abundantly and took such good care of us as we walked this path. My parents were a great source of respite for me when the kids needed to get out, or if I needed to just get in the car and drive for 10-15 minutes just to get out of the house. There were times I would drive and sit in an empty parking lot and just cry my heart out. I didn't want to cry as much in front of Mel and the kids as I had to cry, and sometimes it was just good to be alone for a few minutes.
At the end of the day we had been blessed and loved abundantly by everyone who came to visit, lend a helping hand or a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Saturday, February 12, 2011 Mel comes home
On the morning of Feb 12, 2011, my brother and sister-in-law came to help me get the house ready to turn the living room into a hospital room. Andy move the TV upstairs from the family room and hooked it up. The homecare company hospice used came with a bed, air mattress, IV pole, portable toilet, a walker and a wheelchair. The only thing missing was Mel.
The day before, when the hospital was making arrangements for him to come home in an ambulance, Mel was pretty disappointed they wouldn't bring him in a helicopter because he knew Daniel and Nicole would get a kick out of that.
When the ambulance got about 30 minutes from Pueblo, they called me so I could call hospice so the nurse could be there when Mel got there to change his pain pump and make sure it was full. When the ambulance got there, the got Mel off the stretcher and into a chair with handles that they carried him up the stairs in and into the house to bed. Oh it was so good to have him home. The kids were so excited. Nicole told him she would be his nurse and to just call if he needed anything. She wanted him to have a bell, but I put the skids to that. I told her it might make him too demanding :) Mel was so glad to get home. You could just see it in his face and his smile, and he was less confused than he had been the prior day.
When hospice got there, he was sleeping peacefully, exhausted from the trip. I remember the hospice nurse going over paperwork with me and when he asked me if Mel would want CPR performed on him, it was so hard to answer and say "no". The hardest question I had answered to this point, but I knew that if God healed him CPR wouldn't be necessary.
When Mel woke up, he sat up in a chair for quite a while and visited with us. I was glad Andy was there, because we had to build a platform for the chair to go on so it would be easier to get Mel in and out of it. When he got restless or agitated he wanted up and down a lot just trying to get comfortable. I started a log book to keep track of his medicine (he was on two antibiotics for his abdomen abscess), and how much urine he was making and how much was draining from the abscess. I wanted to be sure to remember everything. By this time of a week and a half in the hospital my brain was fried.
Mel was insistent that he was going to go to church the next day. He kept telling Andy that he had to get there and give his testimony. I prayed that the flesh would be able. By the evening time came though, I didn't think he would be able to go. See I had forgotten about the 10 stairs leading to our front door. If there hadn't been steps, I could have put him in the wheelchair easy enough and taken him to church with all his gear, but I knew I would never get him down the steps.
I was so tired, just so mentally exhausted. I was so happy to be home in my bed and in my space. Daniel slept upstairs with me. Nicole made up her mind that she was going sleep on the couch next to her daddy. She loved him so much, and he adored her. They used to tease each other until I wanted to scream sometimes, but they sure shared a special kind of love with each other.
Deanna had decided to stay nights with me. She would stay home and have dinner and help her husband, Butch, get their kids to bed. They had a 10-month-old baby, an 18-month-old baby and a 9-year-old. I will never forget the kindness and care I got from Butch and Deanna. Butch would stay with the kids at night and Deanna would get up early and go do their paper route. Butch's mom and dad live right next door to them, and his mom, Mae, also came and helped out. In addition to staying with me at night, Deanna brought us food every evening. God has so blessed with good friends and family. They made it possible for me to sleep and spend every minute of the day with Mel. It had been so long since we had just been at home and shared each other's company. I had tried to talk Deanna out of staying with me that first night, but I am so glad she insisted. Mel was very restless at night and was up and down so many times I lost count. Once we got Mel situated I would go upstairs and sleep for as long as Mel was happy where he was at, and then Deanna would come get me. She was able to catch a few winks of sleep in the recliner.
When I started writing about this week of Mel being home, I asked Deanna for her memories. There is so much I have forgotten about that week and for several weeks after Mel passed away.
{Deanna's memories:
...I remember how happy Mel was to be home. He looked pretty good that first night, sat in the recliner for quite a while.
I remember how bad he wanted to go to church that Sunday, and how you were hoping he would feel up to it.}
Mark 9:24 Lord I believe, help my unbelief.
Hebrews 11:6 Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must BELIEVE that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
I needed strength so much and belief in the healing power of God. I had to be diligent.
The day before, when the hospital was making arrangements for him to come home in an ambulance, Mel was pretty disappointed they wouldn't bring him in a helicopter because he knew Daniel and Nicole would get a kick out of that.
When the ambulance got about 30 minutes from Pueblo, they called me so I could call hospice so the nurse could be there when Mel got there to change his pain pump and make sure it was full. When the ambulance got there, the got Mel off the stretcher and into a chair with handles that they carried him up the stairs in and into the house to bed. Oh it was so good to have him home. The kids were so excited. Nicole told him she would be his nurse and to just call if he needed anything. She wanted him to have a bell, but I put the skids to that. I told her it might make him too demanding :) Mel was so glad to get home. You could just see it in his face and his smile, and he was less confused than he had been the prior day.
When hospice got there, he was sleeping peacefully, exhausted from the trip. I remember the hospice nurse going over paperwork with me and when he asked me if Mel would want CPR performed on him, it was so hard to answer and say "no". The hardest question I had answered to this point, but I knew that if God healed him CPR wouldn't be necessary.
When Mel woke up, he sat up in a chair for quite a while and visited with us. I was glad Andy was there, because we had to build a platform for the chair to go on so it would be easier to get Mel in and out of it. When he got restless or agitated he wanted up and down a lot just trying to get comfortable. I started a log book to keep track of his medicine (he was on two antibiotics for his abdomen abscess), and how much urine he was making and how much was draining from the abscess. I wanted to be sure to remember everything. By this time of a week and a half in the hospital my brain was fried.
Mel was insistent that he was going to go to church the next day. He kept telling Andy that he had to get there and give his testimony. I prayed that the flesh would be able. By the evening time came though, I didn't think he would be able to go. See I had forgotten about the 10 stairs leading to our front door. If there hadn't been steps, I could have put him in the wheelchair easy enough and taken him to church with all his gear, but I knew I would never get him down the steps.
I was so tired, just so mentally exhausted. I was so happy to be home in my bed and in my space. Daniel slept upstairs with me. Nicole made up her mind that she was going sleep on the couch next to her daddy. She loved him so much, and he adored her. They used to tease each other until I wanted to scream sometimes, but they sure shared a special kind of love with each other.
Deanna had decided to stay nights with me. She would stay home and have dinner and help her husband, Butch, get their kids to bed. They had a 10-month-old baby, an 18-month-old baby and a 9-year-old. I will never forget the kindness and care I got from Butch and Deanna. Butch would stay with the kids at night and Deanna would get up early and go do their paper route. Butch's mom and dad live right next door to them, and his mom, Mae, also came and helped out. In addition to staying with me at night, Deanna brought us food every evening. God has so blessed with good friends and family. They made it possible for me to sleep and spend every minute of the day with Mel. It had been so long since we had just been at home and shared each other's company. I had tried to talk Deanna out of staying with me that first night, but I am so glad she insisted. Mel was very restless at night and was up and down so many times I lost count. Once we got Mel situated I would go upstairs and sleep for as long as Mel was happy where he was at, and then Deanna would come get me. She was able to catch a few winks of sleep in the recliner.
When I started writing about this week of Mel being home, I asked Deanna for her memories. There is so much I have forgotten about that week and for several weeks after Mel passed away.
{Deanna's memories:
...I remember how happy Mel was to be home. He looked pretty good that first night, sat in the recliner for quite a while.
I remember how bad he wanted to go to church that Sunday, and how you were hoping he would feel up to it.}
Mark 9:24 Lord I believe, help my unbelief.
Hebrews 11:6 Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must BELIEVE that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
I needed strength so much and belief in the healing power of God. I had to be diligent.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Our "Black Friday" in the hospital
This was a horrible day for us. Dr. Davis and Dr. Lam came in. They told us that Mel's creatinine has continued to rise. They will be in later with all the other doctors who have participated in Mel's care to have a meeting with us on deciding where to go from here.
They came back about 10:00 a.m. There was Dr. Lam, Dr. Flaig (our regular oncologist who came from the office to be there), Dr. Davis the internist, the gastroenterology doctor, and doctor whose first name was Eamon (he was always very business like). Dr. Lam and Dr. Davis were always very laid back when discussing things with us. This discussion is etched in my memory for probably the rest of my life.
The really nice nurse came in with the doctors. They told us that basically Mel was not getting better and was not going to get better. They told us the best thing we could do was go home with hospice. They told us Mel had only at least a few weeks to live. If he happened to make it past that time, they would want us to come back, and they would reevaluate him for surgery.
I just could not hold back my tears. My heart was dying inside. I kept thinking my husband, my children, my family, my life, how could God possibly do this to us, how. We had been so faithful, standing on God's word and God's promises believing with every fiber that God was going to heal Mel. Every doctor in that room was in tears and so was the nurse. Later she told us how much our love and commitment to each other and to God had inspired everyone who had worked with us. She said that in all the time she had ever worked with Dr. Eamon she had never, ever seen him waver much less see him cry when talking to a patient and family members. When the doctors left, the nurse stay and prayed with us.
Once again they got Mel situated so that I could be next to him as close as possible. The social worker came in to start making arrangements to get hospice set up for us in Pueblo. Mel told them he wanted to go home as soon as possible. He kept telling them how much he wanted to be home with the kids and me. He wanted me to drive him home, but the hospital wouldn't let us do that, he was so fragile at that point.
I started making phone calls. By this time Deanna and our pastor's wife Sharon were already on their way to Denver with Nicole to visit. I called my brother and sister-in-law, my parents, Mel's son Aaron, his friend Gary and my sister. Pastor Hal drove up to see us and pray with us. About an hour and a half after calling my brother, he called me to get directions to the hospital. He was already on his way with Corinne. I was so thankful. I needed my "big" brother and Corinne had been such a rock for me and such a prayer warrior, I was glad she was coming too.
I just kept crying. I kept telling Mel how much I loved him, how much I needed him. I kept asking him "are you sure you are saved" (I knew all along he was). I told him he had to be sure, I kept telling him say the words again, "tell Jesus right now you want him to come into your heart". I told him I could not EVER bear the thought of spending eternity without him. I could not imagine one day without him much less the rest of my life and then eternity too. When Mel got sick we always prayed for him to be healed, but I used to tell God "if you can't heal him for me, please let the rapture come so we can all go home together". Now I just looked at him and cried. This once strong, robust, energetic man whom I so adored and been ravaged by disease and infection.
About an hour after the doctors left, I turned to Mel and I told him "you know God is still in control, God can still heal you and spare your life so we can be together". I knew God was bigger than any prognosis the doctors could give us. Dr. Lam came back and prayed with me, and she said the same thing. I knew that as long as Mel had a single breath left in his body, he had a chance to be healed. Then I thought about Lazarus and how the Lord had raised him for the dead days after he had died. I thought "wow if God is that powerful, just think what he could do for Mel".
When my brother, Andy, got there, the first thing he said was "God is not finished with Mel yet. He can still heal Mel and He is still on the throne, the King of Kings". I was so glad to have him there. He just held me in his big strong arms. I felt so little and alone. I felt like I was in the wilderness that Job experienced. I had said all along that these two years were the "Job" years of my life. He told Mel and I that as long as we wanted to fight, as long as Mel wanted to fight, we would all pray by standing on God's promises to us. The four of us prayed.
Deanna, Sharon and Nicole got there. Mel told Nicole to get ready because he was coming home the next day. She was so excited, but at the same time I think she knew something had happened.
I went downstairs with Deanna to get a drink and just fell apart. We stood in a little hallway filled with vending machines, and I just fell almost to the floor. I felt like my world was ending. She told me then "Patty I told you I would be beside you to get you through this from the day that we knew Mel had cancer, and I am still there for you, and I will do anything for you". My awesome friend, one of God's biggest blessings in my life, and she loved us so much.
I started making phone calls again telling people that even though the doctors had said Mel only had a few weeks left that I would not let that be spoken in our home. I wanted everyone to believe and pray with us for a miracle. I told them that doctors did not know the answers that only God could.
The hospital got all of the paperwork set up for Mel to leave the next day to have hospice care. They arranged ambulance transport for him to get back to Pueblo. Now we all had to leave to get back to Pueblo to make the arrangements.
On the way home Nicole rode with me. She asked me "mommy is daddy going to die". I told her "you know Nicole the doctors told us daddy is very sick and could die, but we all know that God can and does perform miracles every day, and we would continue to pray for a miracle". I told her we would just love daddy and hold onto him tight for every minute we would have with him, that it would be so good to have him home so we could be together as a family again, and we would leave the rest to God.
She looked so little. When Mel was first diagnosed with cancer, Nicole had asked me if he was going to die. I told her very firmly that he was not going to do die, that he was going to be ok. That night while I was lying awake in the dark God very clearly told me that I had to tell her that it might be His will that Mel would not survive the cancer. When I told her that only God knew how long daddy would be here, she very calmly told me "of course, only God knows what is going to happen". She had been through so much and seen so much helping me take care of her daddy. In ways she was very young, but in others she had become very wise while watching these two years of our lives unfold, but she always had faith, always. I love her and Daniel so much. I was (and still am) so scared of what this will do to them. I think it is very sad that they will never be who they would have been if their daddy had not died. I know this does not have to be a bad thing, that they can have the best lives ever, but it will never be what it would have been like if Mel had lived. My life will never be the same without him, but I have been so blessed to have been loved by him and with him and creating a family with him.
I don't yet know why our family had to go through this tragedy, and I may never know until God brings me home. I am terribly sad and lonely but eternally grateful to have had the kind of love and mutual respect that Mel and I had for each other. His love changed me to be a better person, and he made me the best thing in the world, a mother.
II Corinthians 5:7 For we walk by faith, not by sight. (I wish I had a seeing eye dog).
What does it mean to believe?
Believe . . . verb, action, to regard as true; to trust, to have faith, fully accept as truth; to take to grasp. To believe is an act of our will. It is how our faith is put to work.
Please Lord I prayed lying in my bed that night with both of my children at my side. They "smelled and felt so good".
They came back about 10:00 a.m. There was Dr. Lam, Dr. Flaig (our regular oncologist who came from the office to be there), Dr. Davis the internist, the gastroenterology doctor, and doctor whose first name was Eamon (he was always very business like). Dr. Lam and Dr. Davis were always very laid back when discussing things with us. This discussion is etched in my memory for probably the rest of my life.
The really nice nurse came in with the doctors. They told us that basically Mel was not getting better and was not going to get better. They told us the best thing we could do was go home with hospice. They told us Mel had only at least a few weeks to live. If he happened to make it past that time, they would want us to come back, and they would reevaluate him for surgery.
I just could not hold back my tears. My heart was dying inside. I kept thinking my husband, my children, my family, my life, how could God possibly do this to us, how. We had been so faithful, standing on God's word and God's promises believing with every fiber that God was going to heal Mel. Every doctor in that room was in tears and so was the nurse. Later she told us how much our love and commitment to each other and to God had inspired everyone who had worked with us. She said that in all the time she had ever worked with Dr. Eamon she had never, ever seen him waver much less see him cry when talking to a patient and family members. When the doctors left, the nurse stay and prayed with us.
Once again they got Mel situated so that I could be next to him as close as possible. The social worker came in to start making arrangements to get hospice set up for us in Pueblo. Mel told them he wanted to go home as soon as possible. He kept telling them how much he wanted to be home with the kids and me. He wanted me to drive him home, but the hospital wouldn't let us do that, he was so fragile at that point.
I started making phone calls. By this time Deanna and our pastor's wife Sharon were already on their way to Denver with Nicole to visit. I called my brother and sister-in-law, my parents, Mel's son Aaron, his friend Gary and my sister. Pastor Hal drove up to see us and pray with us. About an hour and a half after calling my brother, he called me to get directions to the hospital. He was already on his way with Corinne. I was so thankful. I needed my "big" brother and Corinne had been such a rock for me and such a prayer warrior, I was glad she was coming too.
I just kept crying. I kept telling Mel how much I loved him, how much I needed him. I kept asking him "are you sure you are saved" (I knew all along he was). I told him he had to be sure, I kept telling him say the words again, "tell Jesus right now you want him to come into your heart". I told him I could not EVER bear the thought of spending eternity without him. I could not imagine one day without him much less the rest of my life and then eternity too. When Mel got sick we always prayed for him to be healed, but I used to tell God "if you can't heal him for me, please let the rapture come so we can all go home together". Now I just looked at him and cried. This once strong, robust, energetic man whom I so adored and been ravaged by disease and infection.
About an hour after the doctors left, I turned to Mel and I told him "you know God is still in control, God can still heal you and spare your life so we can be together". I knew God was bigger than any prognosis the doctors could give us. Dr. Lam came back and prayed with me, and she said the same thing. I knew that as long as Mel had a single breath left in his body, he had a chance to be healed. Then I thought about Lazarus and how the Lord had raised him for the dead days after he had died. I thought "wow if God is that powerful, just think what he could do for Mel".
When my brother, Andy, got there, the first thing he said was "God is not finished with Mel yet. He can still heal Mel and He is still on the throne, the King of Kings". I was so glad to have him there. He just held me in his big strong arms. I felt so little and alone. I felt like I was in the wilderness that Job experienced. I had said all along that these two years were the "Job" years of my life. He told Mel and I that as long as we wanted to fight, as long as Mel wanted to fight, we would all pray by standing on God's promises to us. The four of us prayed.
Deanna, Sharon and Nicole got there. Mel told Nicole to get ready because he was coming home the next day. She was so excited, but at the same time I think she knew something had happened.
I went downstairs with Deanna to get a drink and just fell apart. We stood in a little hallway filled with vending machines, and I just fell almost to the floor. I felt like my world was ending. She told me then "Patty I told you I would be beside you to get you through this from the day that we knew Mel had cancer, and I am still there for you, and I will do anything for you". My awesome friend, one of God's biggest blessings in my life, and she loved us so much.
I started making phone calls again telling people that even though the doctors had said Mel only had a few weeks left that I would not let that be spoken in our home. I wanted everyone to believe and pray with us for a miracle. I told them that doctors did not know the answers that only God could.
The hospital got all of the paperwork set up for Mel to leave the next day to have hospice care. They arranged ambulance transport for him to get back to Pueblo. Now we all had to leave to get back to Pueblo to make the arrangements.
On the way home Nicole rode with me. She asked me "mommy is daddy going to die". I told her "you know Nicole the doctors told us daddy is very sick and could die, but we all know that God can and does perform miracles every day, and we would continue to pray for a miracle". I told her we would just love daddy and hold onto him tight for every minute we would have with him, that it would be so good to have him home so we could be together as a family again, and we would leave the rest to God.
She looked so little. When Mel was first diagnosed with cancer, Nicole had asked me if he was going to die. I told her very firmly that he was not going to do die, that he was going to be ok. That night while I was lying awake in the dark God very clearly told me that I had to tell her that it might be His will that Mel would not survive the cancer. When I told her that only God knew how long daddy would be here, she very calmly told me "of course, only God knows what is going to happen". She had been through so much and seen so much helping me take care of her daddy. In ways she was very young, but in others she had become very wise while watching these two years of our lives unfold, but she always had faith, always. I love her and Daniel so much. I was (and still am) so scared of what this will do to them. I think it is very sad that they will never be who they would have been if their daddy had not died. I know this does not have to be a bad thing, that they can have the best lives ever, but it will never be what it would have been like if Mel had lived. My life will never be the same without him, but I have been so blessed to have been loved by him and with him and creating a family with him.
I don't yet know why our family had to go through this tragedy, and I may never know until God brings me home. I am terribly sad and lonely but eternally grateful to have had the kind of love and mutual respect that Mel and I had for each other. His love changed me to be a better person, and he made me the best thing in the world, a mother.
II Corinthians 5:7 For we walk by faith, not by sight. (I wish I had a seeing eye dog).
What does it mean to believe?
Believe . . . verb, action, to regard as true; to trust, to have faith, fully accept as truth; to take to grasp. To believe is an act of our will. It is how our faith is put to work.
Please Lord I prayed lying in my bed that night with both of my children at my side. They "smelled and felt so good".
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Thursday, February 11, 2011 Riding out the storm
When I finally got back to the hospital (luckily the roads had cleared), Mel was in a total state of agitation. He was very confused and restless. He was using his call light every few minutes. I remember that it drove me crazy, and I was embarrassed that he was being so annoying to the staff. I know the night nurse was very annoyed with Mel. I had called as soon as I woke up this morning, and she was so impatient sounding, and I thought "at least you get paid to put up with demanding patients." Wow, that sounds compassionate doesn't it. It's things like that, that I kick myself over to this day. My impatience, the angry tone of my voice at times, I just feel terrible that I had those moments, when his moments by now were being numbered.
His lab work is not improving any more. His creatinine has climbed up to what it was when we first got to the hospital. They had re-placed his drain in his abdomen. That hurt when he moved, his catheter hurt when he moved, he was vomiting, so I knew that had to hurt too. We were both so tired of being at the hospital. That is a really hard thing to do, and it is just as hard for the loved ones as it is on the patient.
Luckily once I got back, he finally settled down and was a bit more peaceful and fell asleep. The day nurse (I swore I would never forget her name, but I have) was so sweet. She told me he just kept asking about me over and over and wanted her to call me. She kept telling him that I was on my way. All he needed was someone familiar to sit with him and hold his hand. We both had a good nap.
One thing I thought was so funny about Mel, is that whenever he got sick or something, he always thanked me for being there with him. I was so surprised by that, thinking well where else would I be but with him, but he was always genuinely thankful and grateful. When he had his heart attack in May 2009, in the ER I got to see him for a minute before they took him to the cath lab, and he kept saying over and over "I'm so sorry, we can't afford this, we can't afford this" (we had no health insurance). I told him that the one thing I could not afford was to lose him. After his procedure, I got to go into the ICU and spend some time with him. The first thing he told was "honey, thank you for being here with me". I think sometimes we were both surprised by our love and faithfulness and devotion to one another. I guess when you have to wait as long as we did to find that genuine love and friendship you appreciate it a lot.
I went to bed tonight feeling very low. I knew that if his creatinine didn't go down we were going to be in trouble as far as them not doing surgery. I just prayed and read and re-read the scriptures Deanna sent me on my phone. I called the kids to tell them good night. I miss them so much. Mel keeps telling the doctors he has to get home and see his kids. He loved them so much.
I still whispered please Lord, please let there be a miracle for us.
John 14:13 And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.
Mark 9:23 Jesus said to him, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes."
James 5:15-16 And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.
I knew there were many people praying for us. This gave me comfort, but I still had fear. To this day I wonder if it was because I lacked enough faith. I was trying to do everything "right" to get God on my side to do what I wanted him to do, even though I knew whatever was done would be God's will. This is still something I have to ask forgiveness for. I am still not at the point where I can talk to God about this. Someday . . .
His lab work is not improving any more. His creatinine has climbed up to what it was when we first got to the hospital. They had re-placed his drain in his abdomen. That hurt when he moved, his catheter hurt when he moved, he was vomiting, so I knew that had to hurt too. We were both so tired of being at the hospital. That is a really hard thing to do, and it is just as hard for the loved ones as it is on the patient.
Luckily once I got back, he finally settled down and was a bit more peaceful and fell asleep. The day nurse (I swore I would never forget her name, but I have) was so sweet. She told me he just kept asking about me over and over and wanted her to call me. She kept telling him that I was on my way. All he needed was someone familiar to sit with him and hold his hand. We both had a good nap.
One thing I thought was so funny about Mel, is that whenever he got sick or something, he always thanked me for being there with him. I was so surprised by that, thinking well where else would I be but with him, but he was always genuinely thankful and grateful. When he had his heart attack in May 2009, in the ER I got to see him for a minute before they took him to the cath lab, and he kept saying over and over "I'm so sorry, we can't afford this, we can't afford this" (we had no health insurance). I told him that the one thing I could not afford was to lose him. After his procedure, I got to go into the ICU and spend some time with him. The first thing he told was "honey, thank you for being here with me". I think sometimes we were both surprised by our love and faithfulness and devotion to one another. I guess when you have to wait as long as we did to find that genuine love and friendship you appreciate it a lot.
I went to bed tonight feeling very low. I knew that if his creatinine didn't go down we were going to be in trouble as far as them not doing surgery. I just prayed and read and re-read the scriptures Deanna sent me on my phone. I called the kids to tell them good night. I miss them so much. Mel keeps telling the doctors he has to get home and see his kids. He loved them so much.
I still whispered please Lord, please let there be a miracle for us.
John 14:13 And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.
Mark 9:23 Jesus said to him, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes."
James 5:15-16 And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.
I knew there were many people praying for us. This gave me comfort, but I still had fear. To this day I wonder if it was because I lacked enough faith. I was trying to do everything "right" to get God on my side to do what I wanted him to do, even though I knew whatever was done would be God's will. This is still something I have to ask forgiveness for. I am still not at the point where I can talk to God about this. Someday . . .
 |
| One of our favorites picures of Daniel. He was 9 months old |
 |
| This was taken at the party after Daniel's Adoption |
Do we have the cutest kids or what?
This is the judge talking to Nicole after granting Daniel's adoption. She allowed Nicole to speak on the record about what Daniel meant to her. When Nicole was done, the judge said she had no choice but to grant Daniel's adoption because he would have the best big sister ever
Friday, February 10, 2012
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Well we got more snow overnight. The day shiftworkers are all saying how bad the roads are. Aaron called and said he and Tina were coming up. I waited a while to see what would happen. The doctor came and told us Mel's creatinine had gone up a bit this morning. Not what we wanted to hear.
Mel is getting very crabby. I understand why but there's nothing to be done about. He keeps telling them that he is going to go home before he has surgery. They keep telling him there is no way he can do that. Then he wants me to make a plan of escape. They are going to take him back to interventional radiology today to re-place the drain tube in his abdomen.
I have decided to go ahead and try to make it home. The roads near the hospital were pretty clear by the time I left. The highway leading to the interstate was clear except for a little slush. I thought it would be a piece of cake. Once I got on the interstate and just barely south of Denver, the roads were horrible. I drove for a while, and then the check tire light came on in the car, so I pulled into a gas station to check the air in the tires. It seemed to be fine, so I ventured back out on the interstate. In Colorado I-25 runs north/south. Just south of Denver there is a small town called Castle Rock. Just south of Castle Rock there is a little town called Monument, which then leads to Colorado Springs and Pueblo was 35 miles south of Colorado Springs. Monument hill is notoriously bad in snow storms, and it doesn't take much snow to turn it into a skating rink. I was nervous because the farther south I went the worse the roads were and the worse the snow was, which is really weird for Colorado weather. I decided to just keep going south, since it seemed to be a monumental task to try to get off the interstate and turn around. I prayed all the way home. I was relieved with Aaron called to say they had gotten there because I didn't want Mel to be alone.
I could not believe all the snow there was in Pueblo when I got home. It was cute, my dad had made snowmen with the kids and they were so excited to show them to me. It was so good to see them, hold them, breathe them in and to see my parents. I took the kids and went home to check on everything. I was so tired. We all went to mine and Mel's room and laid in the bed with the TV on, and we all three fell asleep. It felt to good to have the kids with me. I had missed them so much. They made me lay in the middle. Daniel said I was the hot dog in the bun.
I called the nurses when I got home, and they said Mel was noticeably agitated without me being there. I felt so bad for leaving him, but I had to come see the kids, and I knew Aaron would be there. So, I called Mel's room and talked to him. He told me Aaron was there but to please hurry back. I told him I would be there tomorrow. I was not about to drive the interstate in the dark, and plus the sun was supposed come out in the morning, and I knew if I wanted until about 10 a.m. to leave the roads would be much better.
Deanna called me and wanted to take us to dinner. Butch was bowling that night. We took all the kids and went to Applebee's. We were so proud that the kids were so good. We had an 11-year-old, and 8-year-old, two 2-year-olds and a baby. It was so good to see Deanna.
We went to bed as soon as we got home, probably 7:30 p.m. I was wiped out, but I set the alarm for 5:00 a.m. to call the hospital and check on Mel. It was a new nurse, and she was very irritated with Mel. I guess he had been very confused and agitated during the night, but I thought she was pretty cranky too.
I slept so well in my own bed and just holding my kids close and watching them sleep in their peacefulness. At least they could rest peacefully. I knew telling them goodbye in the morning would be no easy task.
I prayed Mel would somehow get some rest, but at least Bobby would be there first thing in the morning.
Mel is getting very crabby. I understand why but there's nothing to be done about. He keeps telling them that he is going to go home before he has surgery. They keep telling him there is no way he can do that. Then he wants me to make a plan of escape. They are going to take him back to interventional radiology today to re-place the drain tube in his abdomen.
I have decided to go ahead and try to make it home. The roads near the hospital were pretty clear by the time I left. The highway leading to the interstate was clear except for a little slush. I thought it would be a piece of cake. Once I got on the interstate and just barely south of Denver, the roads were horrible. I drove for a while, and then the check tire light came on in the car, so I pulled into a gas station to check the air in the tires. It seemed to be fine, so I ventured back out on the interstate. In Colorado I-25 runs north/south. Just south of Denver there is a small town called Castle Rock. Just south of Castle Rock there is a little town called Monument, which then leads to Colorado Springs and Pueblo was 35 miles south of Colorado Springs. Monument hill is notoriously bad in snow storms, and it doesn't take much snow to turn it into a skating rink. I was nervous because the farther south I went the worse the roads were and the worse the snow was, which is really weird for Colorado weather. I decided to just keep going south, since it seemed to be a monumental task to try to get off the interstate and turn around. I prayed all the way home. I was relieved with Aaron called to say they had gotten there because I didn't want Mel to be alone.
I could not believe all the snow there was in Pueblo when I got home. It was cute, my dad had made snowmen with the kids and they were so excited to show them to me. It was so good to see them, hold them, breathe them in and to see my parents. I took the kids and went home to check on everything. I was so tired. We all went to mine and Mel's room and laid in the bed with the TV on, and we all three fell asleep. It felt to good to have the kids with me. I had missed them so much. They made me lay in the middle. Daniel said I was the hot dog in the bun.
I called the nurses when I got home, and they said Mel was noticeably agitated without me being there. I felt so bad for leaving him, but I had to come see the kids, and I knew Aaron would be there. So, I called Mel's room and talked to him. He told me Aaron was there but to please hurry back. I told him I would be there tomorrow. I was not about to drive the interstate in the dark, and plus the sun was supposed come out in the morning, and I knew if I wanted until about 10 a.m. to leave the roads would be much better.
Deanna called me and wanted to take us to dinner. Butch was bowling that night. We took all the kids and went to Applebee's. We were so proud that the kids were so good. We had an 11-year-old, and 8-year-old, two 2-year-olds and a baby. It was so good to see Deanna.
We went to bed as soon as we got home, probably 7:30 p.m. I was wiped out, but I set the alarm for 5:00 a.m. to call the hospital and check on Mel. It was a new nurse, and she was very irritated with Mel. I guess he had been very confused and agitated during the night, but I thought she was pretty cranky too.
I slept so well in my own bed and just holding my kids close and watching them sleep in their peacefulness. At least they could rest peacefully. I knew telling them goodbye in the morning would be no easy task.
I prayed Mel would somehow get some rest, but at least Bobby would be there first thing in the morning.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)