Today they took Mel to interventional radiology for the abdominal abscess drain to be placed. While he was there I went back toh is room to wait for Nicole. My dear friend, Deanna, brought her up to see us. We both miss the kids so much.
After we got married, Mel only went two places without us. He would go hunting with my dad up at dad's cabin and be gone 2-3 days and then back home, and every year he would go to a bowling tournament in Cheyenne, Wyoming. We were both of the mind that anywhere we went we would take Nicole, and later Daniel, with us. Mel's work friends used to invite him to go fishing and camping with them, and his reply was always, "I would rather be with my girls". I can count on one hand the number of times Mel and I would go and leave the kids overnight to go somewhere. Or I should say before Mel got cancer that was the case. Then every six weeks or so we would have to leave them overnight with my parents for medical visits and/or treatment.
Needless to say we were both so excited to see Nicole, and I was excited to see Deanna. She was my rock through these tough times. I could talk to her about anything or say nothing at all and she "got" me and what I was going through. When they got to the hospital, us girls went down and got some lunch in the cafeteria. Mel was very sleepy after his procedure. I had so much fun visiting with Deanna and Nicole. I was so sad to see them leave, especially since Nicole just held onto me and cried. I told her she had to be brave and go back to Pueblo to be with Daniel since he was so little he couldn't understand why his mommy and daddy were gone and then he wouldn't be so scared if he had his sissy.
I went back to Mel's room. It was starting to snow. I hoped the roads weren't too bad going back "home". I spent the rest of the day reading. I had been reading the "Left Behind" series of books, written by Tim LaHaye and someone else about the endtimes on earth and the second coming of Jesus Christ. Mel always wanted to know what was happening. He told me to be sure and finish reading them. I still need to do that.
After Mel fell asleep for the night, I went down the hall to the family room. They have a computer there and I checked emails and facebook. It was a very quiet room, and I liked to go sit there by myself and just look outside and keep up on everyone at home.
I am so scared but trying to stay faithful. I know in my thinking brain that Mel's chances for survival are not good but in my praying brain and heart I still believed God would give us a miracle, and so it went, please Lord, please Lord, please I need him and so do Nicole and Daniel. Please spare him for us. I know we are supposed to pray for God's will to be done, but I wanted my will to be done, because I am just a selfish human, as we all are. We never want to lose the people we love, and I know that's why God decides, because if it was left to me I would never be ready to let go of Mel. I wanted to grow old with him. We always said we were sad that we would never have 50 years together because of our ages when we got married and the fact that Mel was 10 years older than me, but we always thought we could shoot for 30 or 35. Please Lord, please.
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