A short time later Deanna came and woke me up. She told me she thought the end was coming. I had been wondering what that would look like if it should happen. I ran down the stairs to Mel, Nicole was awake in the living room and Deanna began making calls. She called my parents house, our pastor and his wife and Aaron. I was next to Mel's bed in the recliner just begging him to stay. You see I guess I was a bit of a coward, I didn't want him to leave me, or maybe it was just selfishness of the flesh. Nicole climbed up on the bed with Mel.
Mom, dad, Andy, Corrine, Hal, Sharon and Aaron all got there. Nicole and I were both crying and sobbing and talking to Mel. Nicole kept telling him over and over, "daddy it's okay, daddy I love you, daddy you can go, you don't have to be here to buy me a Harley Davidson jacket like you promised". Then she looked at me and said "mommy maybe this is God's way of healing daddy, by taking him to heaven". I told her I knew, but I didn't want it to be. At some point she ran upstairs and got Daniel. I don't remember that, but Deanna did. I just kept touching him, calling to him, telling him I loved him. Nicole asked me if I would ever get married again. I told her no because I was still married to her daddy. At some point Mel's respirations improved and he seemed to level out and become stable. I'm sure we prayed. I was so scared. I later told him it was not okay for him to die, that he had to fight, that he had to live, that I could not bear a life without him. We prayed. We sang a hymn but I don't remember what it was, maybe Amazing Grace.
I remember after awhile Deanna felt very sheepish about calling everyone. I was glad that she had. She had asked her sister-in-law (who is a nurse) what the signs of impending death would look like, so she knew and she was right to do what she did. After awhile everyone left and it was just Mel, me, the kids and Deanna, back to our routine.
I remember praying the rest of the night, please Lord spare his life, don't take him from me, don't steal him away from us.
[Deanna's memories: As for the 18th, I had asked my sister in law what signs to look for when the end was near because I knew that was important to you. I sat with him for a couple hours after you went to bed. I think I even dozed off for awhile. I woke up and Mel's breathing had changed significantly. It was very rattly and he was "poofing" his lips- Leah told me that would happen when he would try to blow off a build-up of CO2. His breathing slowed way down. He was breathing about 6 times per minute when I came and got you. I remember thinking he was going...then Colie climbed up on him and he started getting better. I was so moved by her free expression to her Daddy, such innocence of a child. And how precious that she went and wrangled Daniel out of bed. He was scared because Mel couldn't talk and wanted to be with you. We called your family, Aaron, and Hal and Sharon. I've thought a lot about that night. I felt terrible for gathering everyone, and then he pulled through. In hindsight, I think it was a gift, especially to you and Nicole, to have that private time to say goodbye, even though he wasn't moving on quite yet. I've wondered a lot in the last year what would have happened if I hadn't come and gotten you. I don't know if we can choose our time, but I don't think he could bear to leave when you guys were with him. I guess I'm just thankful that Colie especially had that time to tell her Daddy her heart, and that you were able to say all you needed to say. I'm crying just thinking about when you and Colie both told Mel that he could go be with Jesus and how Colie said she would take care of everything here. ]
Mel and I loved this song. Even though we had always wished we had met earlier in our lives we knew that our finding each other was God's time, and that was why it worked so good. We knew that it was rare to have had as many chances we had had in life and that it took us each listening to God and it being God's plan not our own for us to be together.
No comments:
Post a Comment