My cousin's daughter, Tiffany, comes every day to help. Medicaid had been paying her to come eight hours a week to help me out, but she has gone above and beyond and comes every day. She is a bright spot in our day every day. The kids adore her. She will take them to the park to play or take them with her to go get groceries for me. She basically does anything I need her to do without batting an eye. I just love her so much and appreciate her kindness so much.
Mel still is not speaking. He won't drink now, but I am dissolving his antibiotics in water and using a syringe to get them in along with water. He will swallow but won't suck on a straw to get the fluids. So I try to get as much fluid as possible in this way. Today I found a sore on his foot. I was so upset that I hadn't seen it before. I decided I would start rubbing his legs and feet every day and exercise his arms and legs so that when he got stronger he wouldn't have such a hard time moving. I was determined to keep him as well as I could so when God healed him he wouldn't be so debilitated.
Hospice came to give him a bath today. I kept the hospital gown he had on before his bath. I kept it under my pillow, it smells like Mel. I used to do this when he was driving over-the-road. I still have the gown in a zip lock bag and open it now and then and smell it. I guess maybe that's kind of morbid, but it gives me comfort. I also have the last bandage he had on his arm from the last time he had blood drawn, the last parking stub we got parking at the hospital at Denver. I'm kind of scared to get rid of them. I know it probably sounds crazy, but sometimes it feels like those "things" are all I have left of him. I know that's not true, but I think when you lose someone you want to keep everything around to remember them. Mel had only been gone 10 weeks when I moved to Washington. I had to go through all this things very soon after his death, and I knew that with limited truck space to move with I couldn't take everything with me. I kept all his Harley Davidson t-shirts and jeans. My sister said she would help me make a quilt out of them for each of the kids. The only time Mel didn't wear a t-shirt was to go to church. Otherwise his usual wardrobe consisted of a Harley t-shirt and jeans.
When I sit with him, I talk to him, talk about the memories we have made together, the love we have shared, what the kids are doing. I just wish he would talk to me. Daniel is very upset that he is not talking. I just want to reach inside of him and tear out all the cancer and find his soul and bring it back out. I want to see him as healthy, vibrant and mostly I just want to hear his voice call me babe, honey or his favorite sugar britches. He called me that because I would turn beet red every time he did, and he would laugh his head off. I want to feel him hold my hand. I keep kissing him, and he will move his lips like he is trying to kiss me so that is what I believe.
I just know that we have so much more living to do together, we have our kids to raise together, we have so much loving left, doing things we never got the chance to do before. I just want God to heal him. I won't hear of anything else. I want to show God how strong my faith is. I want God to know how much I need Mel, that I don't think I can live without him, that I don't want my kids to have to live without him. I cannot every picture myself in my mind without him right next to me. One of my favorite things about Mel is that he always had his arm around me, was holding my hand or rubbing my neck and shoulders. I felt so safe with him. He had such big hands that when I made a fist his fingers would go all the way around my hand. This was my favorite way to hold hands with him, and it made me feel like nothing could hurt me, it felt like he was holding my heart. We never left the house or went to bed without kissing each other and saying I love you.
I continue to beg and plead with God, please let him live, please heal him, please don't make me have to lose him, please don't make my kids have to lose him, just PLEASE Lord. I thought how God couldn't possibly have meant for us to only have 13 years together, not when a lifetime wouldn't have been enough.
The second verse is telling you that if you cannot get any kind of a healing from a doctor, then God Himself can come to your rescue and fully heal you – no matter how bad and hopeless the situation may appear to you in the natural.
- “For with God nothing will be impossible.” (Luke 1:37)
- But He said, “The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.” (Luke 18:27)
- “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.” (Ephesians 3:20)
Remember – God the Father has the full power and full ability to accomplish anything that He will want to do. If He has the full, divine, supernatural power to create our entire world in 6 days – then I do not think He will have any problems in being able to fully heal you with whatever sickness or disease may have just struck your body.
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