This evening, around 7:00 p.m. or so, the gastroenterology surgeon resident came to talk to us. They had been going over Mel's chart and test results to try to determine what his surgery would entail. He basically told us the same thing everyone else had said about Mel's creatinine had to get better, and Mel had to have more TPN to build up muscle and strength or the recovery from the surgery would take forever. He then told us that we needed to weigh the benefits based on the fact that Mel only had about six months to live. I was so thoroughly pissed off. He acted surprised that we didn't know this. I told him very emphatically (more angry) that no one had ever tried to second guess or make a determination on how long Mel would live. I was actually yelling at him while he droned on and on about just keeping Mel's pain under control. I remember shouting at him "what about me, what do you suggest I do to control the pain stabbing in my heart". By this time Mel and I were both crying. Poor resident, talk about killing the messenger. I told him I wanted to talk to Dr. Lam the oncologist, and as he shot out the door as fast as he could to get away from me, he said Dr. Lam had already gone home for the evening.
About 20 minutes later Dr. Lam came through the door. The resident had apparently called her and told her she needed to come back in and talk to us. She wondered what she could do. I told her that she could figure out why no one had ever told us that Mel only had six months to live at the most. Remember, the first day at the hospital Mel's wedding ring got lost and he had me wear his gold chain and cross so it wouldn't get lost. I was clutching that cross while talking to Dr. Lam. She very pointedly looked at my cross. I could tell she was sizing us up trying to determine what our beliefs were. She told me that she never, and Dr. Flaig (our regular oncologist) tried to never guess how long a patient would try to live, nor did they believe in giving false hope.
She kept looking at Mel's cross around my neck, and she said "I don't know what you believe, but I believe that there is always time for God to perform a miracle". I burst into tears and hugged her. I asked her if she was a believer in Jesus Christ, and she told me yes. She hugged me and we prayed together. I now know God had us on this oncology floor, at UCH, for a reason. She put on Mel's chart that we were Christians and were still praying for a miracle. After that there were so many nurses and aides who came in and prayed with us. We had decided we were not going to give up that easily. We still believed in the miracle of the blood of Jesus, that it was shed for us, to give us new life, and to give us a pathway to the healing of the greatest King that ever walked the earth.
I remember calling our friends and family. I told them all that we were not giving up, that we still were planning that Mel would have the surgery and that he would be healed.
Meantime it is snowing like crazy. Not only is there a lot of snow in Denver, the roads between Denver and Pueblo were not in good condition, and Pueblo was getting hammered with snow. I still wanted to try to get home on Wednesday to spend a night with the kids, get clean clothes and get back to Denver to wait out for the surgery.
The kids were so excited. My dad had them out playing in the snow and making snowmen. My dad is so awesome with his grandkids. He is like putty in their hands. I am so proud of who he has become over the years. Through this whole ordeal with Mel's illness there have been days when we have gone to mom and dad's and dad has just sat and held me while I cried, and he cried right along with me. He and mom loved Mel too. They loved that he was so darn good to me and he was so kind to them and considerate and how much he loved the kids.
After Dr. Lam left tonight, Mel moved over in the bed as best he could so that I could lay next to him. It had been so long since we had held each other through a long night. He fell asleep with me holding him. Thankfully, the nursing staff pretty much left us alone for the whole night. I think they knew we could not handle anymore for that day and just left us alone. They started Mel's TPN feeding and told me to call if we needed anything, otherwise they would leave us alone. I laid awake that night with my arm around Mel and his around me and tried to stay strong. I kept going over the bible verses in my phone that Deanna had sent us.
This day ended the way all the others had, with me begging God, please Lord don't take him from me, please Lord I was alone so long before he came into my life it's not fair for you to take Him from me, he is such a good man Lord let him stay, he is so kind and good to me and the kids, Please Lord, PLEASE.
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